I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
