Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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