I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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