I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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