Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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