Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
