So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
