The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
