I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
time to smoke my breakfast
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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