i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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