Umm I'm too high to move.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
