Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
