Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
