Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
