you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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