so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
