Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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