good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
