so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
