I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
