I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's even glitter on my cock...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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