God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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