She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
