So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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