he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
