haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dick has a subreddit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
