my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
