They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
