girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
