My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
