i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
