So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my poor anus
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
