He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
