We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
