So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
