I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
