season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
