Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
