i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
