Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
