i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
