Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
