I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
