hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
