Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he fucked my hip out of place.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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