i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
