Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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