i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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