I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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