Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
