I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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