And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
