I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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