Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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