Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
