We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
