am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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