Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
