Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
